Sit, Stay and Read

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Archive for the category “Papacy”

This just in

Time magazine cover December 23, 2013



I am in total awe of such a liberal and compassionate new Pope.
Clothed in natural vestments to inspire all creatures, great and small, this Pope Sophie 0.1 will inspire her followers to adopt similar cost saving practices. The entire world should rejoice that at last a fitting leader of a major religion has emerged. Long live the First Holy Basset!
—American Cowgirl

Pope Sophie is such a force for good in the world.
—American Mom

I think Pope Sophie had a wonderfully benign influence on the Conclave.
She no doubt suggested to Bergoglio that he choose Francis as his new name.

—International Pope Watcher

It is amazing how some solutions are so obvious in retrospect.
—Canadian Scholar

her influence

“Pope Francis has shown himself to be a free spirit and a free thinker. He loves the music of Mozart, the paintings of Chagall, the films of Fellini. He tweets. He talks to atheists. He stays out of politics. He calls for the faithful to “mess up the church.” He doesn’t moralize or sermonize, and famously said, when asked about gays, “Who am I to judge?”

—Timothy Egan, “Lapsed but Listening,” October 10, 2013, Opinionator, NYTimes

Messing up the church is clearly an idea that the free-spirited PopeSoph proposed, having found it to be an effective means of communication in her previous life.

Pope’s Valet won over by new boss

“Neither my teachings nor my comfort are enhanced by the Pope pumps,” she remarked.

Despite concern that his position may be downsized,
the Pope’s valet is charmed by the unassuming Pope Sophie.



Pope Sophie has always opted for simple headcoverings.

PopeSoph leads the way


“Just being around Pope Sophie puts a spring in your step,” remarked one Vatican official, “She is truly a loving being, and seems to be quite patient with retraining the Vatican to think more positively.”

Photos taken before Cardinals dispersed and Pope Sophie 0.1 began to travel incognito.

Pope Sophie 0.1

The new Pope Sophie 0.1 receives blessings from one of the cardinals while she
awaits the arrival of the rest of her flock.



Popes Sophie and Francis are inseparable.

First Latin American, First Francis, First Female . . .

The new Pope is “breaking historic ground by choosing the name, Francis.”

Even more ground-breaking is his acceptance of, and willing collaboration with Pope Sophie 0.1, the first female and first canine Pope, who was selected weeks ago.

Vatican spokespersons are reluctant to discuss details of this arrangement but admit that Pope Francis is charmed by the First Holy Basset, acknowledging Saint Francis’ patronage of animals.

The First Holy Basset

from March 2013

In her first decree as Gentle Leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Sophie 0.1 established that expensive vestments would no longer be required, pointing out that the world should see her in her lifelong, God-given apparel. In one of her first teachings, she expanded on her all-inclusive beliefs, stating that it would be disingenuous to cover her natural appearance, a coat of black, tan and white that suggests an embracing of all beings, regardless of color, size, shape or creed.

The new pope will wear a mitre for public events but will only maintain one “pointy hat,” as she called it and will eschew the “beanie.” She insisted that monies previously used for the creation and maintenance of papal vestments be directed towards providing fresh kibble for all starving dogs on the African and Asian continents.

Beings throughout the world have been taken aback by the assumption of the First Holy Basset and anxiously await additional news from this markedly liberal new pope. The cardinals are all aflutter, expressing concern that a determined Pope Sophie may leave more of a mark than they had anticipated.


Pope Sophie hears confession


NYT headline 3.3.13copy

March 2013

You no longer have to wait for the white smoke.

We’ve just learned of Sophie’s reincarnation as Pope.

After our initial surprise, we feel confident that she will set the Vatican on a new path, demanding biscuits all around, as well as a reversal of the Church’s position on birth control and on women in the priesthood.

We have encouraged her to wield some influence on the embittered US Congress but she feels that will require an act of God.

Keep in touch for more news of her appointment.

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