from March 2013
In her first decree as Gentle Leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Sophie 0.1 established that expensive vestments would no longer be required, pointing out that the world should see her in her lifelong, God-given apparel. In one of her first teachings, she expanded on her all-inclusive beliefs, stating that it would be disingenuous to cover her natural appearance, a coat of black, tan and white that suggests an embracing of all beings, regardless of color, size, shape or creed.
The new pope will wear a mitre for public events but will only maintain one “pointy hat,” as she called it and will eschew the “beanie.” She insisted that monies previously used for the creation and maintenance of papal vestments be directed towards providing fresh kibble for all starving dogs on the African and Asian continents.
Beings throughout the world have been taken aback by the assumption of the First Holy Basset and anxiously await additional news from this markedly liberal new pope. The cardinals are all aflutter, expressing concern that a determined Pope Sophie may leave more of a mark than they had anticipated.